Who among us isn’t snowed under that feeling when someone is fluttering us and at the same time confusing us, that total fascination with the object of our desire, that faith that this time we’ve found the one we are looking for all along. Maybe the most wonderful feeling in the world is the feeling of in love. We are overwhelmed and drown in confusion. Then it will occur to us with the gradual realization that yet again, it was just another fairy tale without a happy ending.
The first 50%, which is sexual attraction, is the natures desire to procreate so we have that overwhelming urge to get it together, meaning the biological drive to have sex. Consequently, great sex which is very much pleasurable and rewarding in more ways is one reason why seeks opportunity to be together. This is according to some skeptics and the other 50% is projection. The second half is a bit harder to explain, first, what is projection? Projection is what we wanted our partner will be. It is the dream or our fantasy of an ideal partner, how they treat or act towards us. Someone only has to be apparent for a little sense of some of the distinctiveness but at the same time we should be able to feel those sexual tingles of attraction and the rest we will fill in our imaginations. And because we are overwhelmed with happiness we will disregard any erudition that will resist to the possible sight.
If you are addicted in falling in love maybe you need to slow down and re-think, process the things first. What you know now may not be enough; it will take time to know someone. Meaning, if we stop, slow down, and pay attention we might pick some things along the way that may tell us that he/she may or may not be the ideal person. But remember there is no such thing as perfect; all of us have faults and flaws but as well as good qualities. We must keep in mind that we have to remain full guarded of whatever may come and we owe it to our self and to the other person to get to know each other in the delightful process of falling in love. Our past experiences can affect our projections of what is ideal for us that may prompt us to have particular qualities onto sequence of potential partners. We are often depending our present wants to those we didn’t achieve from a failed relationship that lead to us finding a potential partner that will make up we think we deserved and never got enough of. All of us basically want the same thing, attention, acceptance, approval, to name a few. If time comes someone pays attention to us, we immediately feel that this maybe it.
For a deep relationship to yourself first and have the sense of self-awareness, this is the best “cure” for the serial falling-in-love-followed-by-disappointment trap. Every one of us has a unique biography and by exploring this in detail we can often find out what particular projections we are likely to be making and why.
Aside from this will permit us to begin agreeing to conditions of premature relationship that might be driving us, this is also owning every positive projection one is putting on to the other partner. Who wouldn’t want a faithful partner, all of us values fidelity. If you are intact with the belief that they are endlessly fascinated in everything that interests you, that means you value and seek companionship and shared ideals. If you want to start to seek these characteristics openly, you must own the said desires. Therefore, you may start learning how to evaluate all the information that you have about the way they behave and most importantly to have the self-esteem to avoid people who don’t genuinely offer these.
And if you are finding these ways hard to face alone you can always seek help trough a counselor. They are always willing to work with you without being judged. They will help you identify your own personal drivers, to help you build your self-esteem and identify and take back your projections. Counseling is a relationship itself. Find a counselor that is focus on developing healthy ways to live the life that brings out the best in you. Counseling leads to self-love and will make us prepared to find real love with others.